The Doctor Will See You Now: Ozzy Osbourne Gives Noisecreep Some Advice — Exclusive

In Ozzy Osbourne's new book, 'Trust Me, I'm Dr. Ozzy: Advice From Rock's Ultimate Survivor,' the heavy metal elder statesman decodes some of the secrets behind his survival.

Based on his ongoing Rolling Stone (U.S.) and Sunday Times (U.K.) advice columns, the book is a humorous and brutally honest read featuring off-the-cuff life lessons from Osbourne, a man whose battle with drugs and alcohol has been well-documented. Last year the singer decided to have his DNA mapped to determine if science could perhaps explain how he survived his four-decade avalanche of drugs and alcohol. The "Full Ozzy Genome" contained variants that scientists had never before encountered. In fact, the findings made headlines around the world and even led to Ozzy hosting a prestigious TED conference.

Keeping in the spirit of 'Trust Me, I'm Dr. Ozzy,' Noisecreep asked Osbourne for some advice and he was more than happy to oblige.

Dear Dr. Ozzy,

What's the most important advice offered in your new book?

'Caution: Ozzy Osbourne is not a qualified medical professional'

Dear Dr. Ozzy,

What sort of person stands to gain the most from your new book?

Anyone who wants to end up dead or in jail. Seriously, though, it's a lot of fun being Dr Ozzy - and I've learned a lot answering people's questions - but anyone with a real problem should go to a real doctor.

Dear Dr. Ozzy,

What's the most important thing you learned in writing your book?

That the people who write to me are crazier than I am. One bloke asked me if he should cut down on his coke habit, 'cos he'd just found out he has high cholesterol. Then there was the woman who wanted to know if it was okay for her to sleep with her mum's younger boyfriend. Oh, and there was a guy who complained of bursting into tears every time he took a piss. That one blew my mind.

Dear Dr. Ozzy,

If there's one basic key to survival, what do you think it is?

Not doing anything that I've done over the last 40 years. And before you ask: yes, that includes biting the head off a bat.

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Dear Dr. Ozzy,

Is there anything you are not qualified to give advice about?

I'm probably not qualified to give advice on anything! Amazingly, that doesn't stop people from asking for it. I suppose they think that 'cos I've survived so much, I must be some kind of medical miracle. Most of what I tell people is just common sense, though. And y'know, the one thing that's kept me alive over all these years, no doctor can prescribe: Luck!

Ozzy Osbourne's 'Trust Me, I'm Dr. Ozzy: Advice From Rock's Ultimate Survivor' is out now.