For the past several days, Al Jourgensen of Ministry has been at war with raccoons under his staircase. The singer took to Facebook to detail his battle with the critters, calling their home under his stairs a "terrorist safe house." Stop us if you've heard this before and think it sounds like a Rob Zombie horror film script.

The singer went into great detail, fiendishly posting about his efforts to outsmart the survivalist creatures with a variety of weapons and his guile. He also asked fans for any suggestions they may have as he continued his efforts to remove them from his premises.

It's nothing if not entertaining and it appears that after several days, Papa Al has gotten the best of the beasts.

He tried throwing powdered cayenne pepper at them and nearly got his face ripped off. That's when he was done playing Mr. Nice Al. He even posted: "Spiders, flies, raccoons, and congress. Top 4 on my s--t list!" Note: That list is not a place we'd like to find ourselves.

Jourgensen was incensed that the raccoons were taking over his compound, messing with his cat and his vegetable garden. Those are no-no's. In his most hilarious post, Jourgensen called the creatures "fat rats with eyeliner." He also referenced the Cure's Robert Smith.

We're just glad he didn't get bitten or rabies. Something tells us he won't be wearing a coonskin cap anytime soon, either. Follow the shenanigans and exploits here.