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Top 10 Rock Fashion Crimes

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When people think of musicians as fashion icons, they likely conjure up images of Lady Gaga or Madonna. Never do you see the members of Gwar get mentioned in fashion magazines under the “What to Wear” sections. In fact, the fashion sense for a lot of the artists we cover in Noisecreep is just plain awful. In honor of Fashion Week in N.Y. this week, Noisecreep has compiled a list of the 10 worst rock fashion crimes.

10. Hevisaurus
They dress in dinosaur costumes… seriously.

Sometimes these articles just write themselves. Seriously, a Finnish band that actually wears dinosaur costumes on stage?! These guys make songs for kids with a power metal beat. Gimmick or not, Hevisaurus know how to sell records. Their debut ‘Jurahevin kuninkaat’ (in English, ‘Kings of Jurassic Metal’), stayed on the Finnish top albums chart for ten weeks. No word if Hevisaurus is available for private bookings or play dates.

9. Swashbuckle
Pirate metal anyone?

Arrr… ye matey! In America, September 19th is Talk Like a Pirate Day. This must be like Christmas for Swashbuckle. Formed in N.J. in 2005, the thrash band mixes metal with… well, pirate stuff. While these buccaneers may look goofy, their music is anything but, as Swashbuckle has shared the stage with many notable metal acts and also performed at Wacken Open Air and aboard the 70,000 Tons of Metal cruise.

8. Stryper
Are you ready for the Christian yellow and black attack?

The fact that Stryper willingly chose to dress like bumblebees still baffles many fans. The stripes themselves make sense. After all, the band’s name comes from the passage in Isaiah 53:5: “…by his stripes we are healed.” But why yellow… with black? The band has successfully carried that color theme for more than two decades and counting. Noisecreep loves them either way.

7. Manowar
They proudly wear loincloths on stage.

In terms of fashion crimes, it doesn’t get much worse than a loincloth. Unless it is signing a record contract in blood while wearing a loincloth. That, my friends, can’t be topped. Manowar donned the ‘cloths when they signed their first label contract. The thing is, Manowar usually wear leather pants on stage. Doesn’t that cause severe chafing?

6. KISS
We prefer them in their makeup.

Back in the ’80s, the buzz surrounding KISS taking off their trademark makeup was out of control. The band first appeared sans pancake for MTV in September of 1983, while promoting their ‘Lick It Up’ album. Problem was, the entire point of seeing KISS live is for the spectacle of it all and that includes those infamous made-up faces. Although they left the makeup off for well over a decade, the band eventually went back to their original look.

5. Gwar
You knew they would be on here.

Gwar’s look is one the most over-the-top in the entire rock universe. Aside from the freaky costumes they don, there’s also all those exposed blood-stained body parts. While it isn’t exactly haute couture, the look does work for them. After all, we’re talking about a band that performs torture scenes on stage.

4. Meat Loaf
The guy loved ruffled shirts in the ’90s.

Choosing a name like Meat Loaf pretty much tells the world that you know you’re on the heavier side and you’re fine with it. But that doesn’t mean it’s OK to start wearing whimsical a-la Fabio type shirts, long stringy hair and you’ve got a recipe for a fashion disaster. At least these days Meat Loaf has cashed in some of his millions for a more streamlined hair do, some well fitting clothing and possibly a personal trainer. This proves all fashion offenders can be rehabilitated.

3. Vince Neil
During his red hair period.

Do you remember when Vince Neil dyed his signature blonde locks red to in an attempt to appear more modern? You don’t? Well, the dye job went down around 1997, just as Motley Crue released ‘Generation Swine.’ In the video for the single ‘Afraid’ you can see Vince sporting his then new look. The video itself isn’t much better: when you think Motley Crue, you think of fun, girls and parties, right? Instead, ‘Afraid’ gives us a weird attempt at some avant-garde metal-esque Nine Inch Nails ripoff. We blame Vince’s hair on that sad period in the band’s career.

2. Spinal Tap
The parody band unknowingly started a bad fashion trend.

In the 1980s, metal ruled. But when ‘This Is Spinal Tap’ hit theaters in 1984, some of the jokes hit a little too close to home. Pay close attention to rock videos released shortly after ‘This Is Spinal Tap’ and notice the clothes… all the musicians look the same! Was this life imitating art or the other way around? Whatever the case, Tap’s weird dressing habits was adapted by legions of bands throughout the world.

1. Black Metal Bands Like Immortal and Gorgoroth
Don’t hate us.

There’s a reason why pictures of Gorgoroth and Immortal consistently show up on all those interwebz “ridiculous looks of metal” features. We’re no different.

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