Satyrasis Drummer Leaves on Bad Terms

When a band releases an official press statement to address the departure of a member, it's often dry and direct with the goal of sounding as diplomatic as possible. Recently, drummer Jake Bryan left the Michigan-based metal band Satyrasis, and the remaining 'mates published a ramble of reason that was harsh and full of snark.

Satyrasis begins by defining object permanence, something we all actually learn as babies, and finally declares, in the statement published by Metal Underground, that "Jake Bryan has quite perplexingly decided to run straight out from left field and quit the band." He implies that the split was on bad terms, and assures that "a better band has already been formed, which will be reprieving you from us, as soon as you die from holding your breath." Uh ... what?

After addressing the "supermassive legion" that is its fan base, Satyrasis rambles on for two more paragraphs but ultimately notes that its members will be pursuing their own projects until the next Satyrasis project comes together, which may not be in the near future -- but we are assured that the band isn't finished for good.