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Our 20 Favorite, Most Outrageous Steven Tyler One-Liners

Mathew Imaging, WireImage

Aerosmith legend Steven Tyler is known for many things — his flamboyant, colorful outfits, his perfectly scratchy wail, and of course that trademark Cheshire cat smile. But if you have ever seen Tyler in action — or if you have been watching him judge this past season of American Idol — you know that he is also a walking quote machine.

He doesn’t always make sense, and good luck decoding his one liners, but his endearing kookiness is part of what makes this frontman a rock legend, not to mention one of the most interesting guys to watch on television. In celebration of the American Idol finale today, here is a list of Steven Tyler’s top 20 crazy quotes.

1. “Well hellfire, save matches, f— a duck and see what hatches!”

2. “Younger bands are into jerking off and we’re into f—ing. That’s all there is to it!”

3. “I love every bone in a woman’s body, especially mine.”

4. “You have no idea how much it costs to look this cheap.”

5. “Keep your nose to the grindstone, it sharpens your booger.”

6. “Sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll — take out the drugs and there’s a lot more room for the other two.”

7. “I heard that your brain stops growing when you start doing drugs. Let’s see, I guess that makes me 19.”

8. “Slap that baby on the –ss and call me Christmas!”

9. “And the things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those that got there first”

10. “Did you eat a lot of paint chips as a child?”

11. “Where did you get those lips? You had me sold the second you laid eyes on me.”

12. “It’s as clear as the balls on a tall dog.”

13. “What’s with the juju bees on your ooh-ooh bees?”

14. “If you don’t got what Joplin had, then the only roots ya got are in your hair”

15. “The buzz that you be getting from the crack don’t last. I’d rather be OD’d in on the crack of her ass.”

16. “Confucius says that crowded elevators smell differently to midgets!”

17. “My get up and go has not got up and went.”

18. “Now that I am sober, I deserve to get laid.”

19. “I don’t know where you get it from, man, but I will bathe in it.”

20. “I live for CAN-ing other peoples cant’s.”

Watch some outrageous Steven Tyler moments from American Idol

Buy Steven Tyler’s book

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