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Machine Head’s Robb Flynn Plans 50th Birthday Bash in July

Frazer Harrison, Getty Images
Frazer Harrison, Getty Images

Machine Head frontman Robb Flynn is about to turn the big five-oh, and wants to celebrate. Described as “a star-studded cavalcade of the debauchery, Geritol and adult diapers,” Flynn’s birthday show will be held July 22 at the Oakland Metro.

A statement from the band says, “In honor of the inglorious occasion, the youthfully challenged yet chronologically gifted frontman will be celebrating with a concert performance on Saturday, July 22 at The Metro Operahouse in Oakland, Calif. and features a cavalcade of D-List rockstars, has-been’s, and never-was’s, such as F–kin’ Joe Cabral and Robb himself.”

They continue, “The debaucherous, alcohol-drenched event will likely be viewed by future generations as ‘the greatest show of all-time,’ and is sure to make him an official charter member for the ‘Old Farts Hall of Fame!’ He only turns half-a-century this year, don’t miss this once in a lifetime event!”

The ball busting has already begun, with Machine Head explaining that Flynn will soon be a Quinquagenarian, and issuing this explanation:

  •  In Led Zeppelin terms, that’s halfway up the stairway to heaven!
  •  In fact, at 50, he’ll spend more time trimming his nose hair than his head hair!
  •  Hell, the best form of birth control for Robb at this is point, is nudity!
  •  At 50, he’s entered the Stone Age… gall, kidney, and bladder.
  •  He’s seen it all, done it all… but can’t remember most of it!
  •  That’s right, his back goes out more than he does!
  •  Turning 50 means he’s so old that “doing it three times a night” is how many times Robb get’s up to pee!
  •  At 50 he’s stiff in all the places he doesn’t want to be, and needs a pill to get stiff in the places he does!
  •  Christ, his wild oats have just turned to porridge!

Tickets for Flynn’s birthday extravaganza go on sale this Friday, May 12 at this location.

Robb Flynn Birthday Bash
Robb Flynn Birthday Bash

See Where Machine Head’s The Blackening Landed on the Top 100 Hard Rock + Metal Albums of the 21st Century

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