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Anal Beads and Butt Plugs: Treasures of the Death by Stereo Tour Van

When Cali’s Death by Stereo allowed Noisecreep access to their tour van for a look-see of the contents on a rainy Friday in NYC, we unearthed the Holy Bible, a copy of ‘Penthouse,’ a huge canister of protein powder and an air horn, which the band uses to provide entertainment for itself by blasting it when pulling up next to unsuspecting drivers. However, the most interesting items are no longer in the Econoline, affectionately dubbed the “Chicanoline” by vocalist/guitarist Efrem Schulz.

“The Adolescents borrowed our van to go to Vegas,” Schulz said. “When I met up with them to get it back, they were like, ‘Dude, what’s up with your van? We found anal beads, a butt plug and hardcore anal porn.’ They had hit the brakes hard and all that shit rolled out from under the seats. They were Dan Palmer’s anal beads! The butt plug was property of Daniel Aaron Palmer!”

Clearly, someone in DBS – apparently Palmer – has an anal fetish! “It’s at every porn store, so somebody is buying it. What’s wrong with an anal fetish?” guitarist Palmer said with a shit-eating, ear-to-ear grin and without an iota of sheepishness or embarrassment! “It’s just friction,” Schulz said, semi-justifying the items. Palmer also flashed a dozen or so parking tickets from across the country. “They’ve all gone to warrant,” Palmer laughed. “Since the van is in my name, I am f—ed. I’m going to jail.”

Weed. Feet. Spilled beer. Those were the prominent odors in the van, a Ford Econoline V-10 passenger van with 230,080 miles on it. It was purchased with a mere 30,000 miles on the odometer, which indicates how much DBS tours.

Palmer and Schulz were proud to admit with an emphatic “f— yeah” that they still follow the DIY ethos and each member of DBS takes turns driving while on tour and that rather than clean the vehicle, they just let “shit fall out.” Each of the rows of seats is transformed into makeshift bedding lined with pillows and the floor of the van was littered with typical things like a skateboard. “It’s our merch guy’s board,” Schulz said and then pointed to Palmer’s hands, saying, “Dan isn’t allowed to skate because he might break his moneymakers.”

Palmer also admitted to practicing his instrument for hours, pulling a glittery pink guitar from behind the seats that looked straight out of a ‘Jem and the Holograms’ cartoon. “It’s had so much beer spilled on it, so it sounds like shit,” he grinned. There was also a violin that belongs to band friend Heather, and Schulz and Palmer claim that they’ve had possession of the instrument for five years. “We were supposed to meet her in Portland and give it to her but I forgot to call her,” Schulz said. “She’s on tour, we’re on tour. You know how it goes!” Palmer interjected, “We may pawn it for a twelve pack. Or more anal beads.’

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